Many books are written about relationships–how to attract the right partner, how to keep your partner, how to communicate with your partner, why your partner is not that into you, and so on! The truth is that relationships can be complex and do require some attention if two people are to grow together into more intimate union and love.
Most often, instead of understanding relationship dynamics, people think that if they can just change this or that about their partners, their relationships would finally work. Does this sound familiar? We must know that no one is perfect nor to be blamed and following some common-sense guidelines can help you to improve your relationship. They are based on effective principles of communication and should be practiced by both partners:
For starters, don’t expect your partner to satisfy all of your relationship needs. Take good care of yourself. Maintain healthy friendships outside of your primary relationship, and you will be less apt to feel that you need your partner to “complete” you.
Be sure to maintain a friendship as well as a love relationship with your partner. Most couples who stay together do so because of a sense of friendship and respect that exists long after the romantic sparks might not be as bright. Partners who are friends generally like and accept each other as they genuinely are.
It’s important to practice active listening. Sometimes all your partner wants you to do is just listen. So listen carefully; then paraphrase back to your partner what you believe you heard him or her say. It greatly helps to keep all communication clear.
Know that talking over each other or not acknowledging what we’ve heard causes monologues rather than dialogues. And when you do listen and especially when you pick up what matters to your partner, you can ask about it at another time, making your partner know you did listen and that you care.
Know what you do want and communicate that clearly. We sometimes get stuck in repeating what we don’t want or like and don’t communicate clearly what we do want. Instead of “it bothers me when you say that” try “I appreciate that you shared that with me in that way.”
Avoid arguments as a way of getting attention or engaging in drama. Find a more productive way to be in relationship and avoid taking your frustrations out on your partner. If your partner is doing that with you, have a conversation about how you feel–in a constructive way.
If you must disagree, do what is termed “fight fairly.” The language we use during a conflict has a critical effect on our relationships. Calling each other names and blaming each other will dissolve trust and respect faster than anything else. And if this has already happened, you can commit to starting over now. Remember “up until now”!
Commit to change. Know that a healthy relationship is one that continues to evolve. Establish regular conversations with your partner to be sure important issues are being addressed and understood.
Most of all, soften your heart. Sometimes, you have to rise above the current situation and look at the overall picture of your relationship. How long have you been together? What have you been through? In what ways have you shared your lives and supported one another? What might you do differently now? Of all the tips, perhaps this is most important of all!
You can also set aside one “date” each week with your partner in which you don’t talk about the children (if there are kids), you don’t talk about work or about money, the house, etc., but you talk about each other. I have suggested this to clients who have done this. I remember a client telling me that she and her husband looked at each other and had nothing to say at first on that “first date.” The good news is that they stayed committed, though, to that date each week. By the second week, they started talking about what mattered to them, sharing some of their hopes and dreams as well as fears. –Or as she put it, “getting down to some deep inner stuff.” Over time, it greatly improved their connection.
All in all, we came into this world to learn to love and to know that we are love. Nothing is perhaps more powerful than heart connections.
Affirmations are statements that can support you in manifesting powerful change. Write or say these statements at any time (some people do so daily) and use them to support a shift in your consciousness or feeling state. It is important that the affirmations you select resonate with you, that is, that they feel natural and appropriate. In order to choose statements that feel right, you may need to change words in the statements listed here, or let these inspire you to create your own.
I relax knowing all in my life is well.
I know that I count and act as if I do.
I let go and trust that everything is happening perfectly.
I peacefully allow my life to unfold.
Every day I expand my comfort zone by allowing for risks.
Whatever happens in any situation, I know I can handle it.
I live my life to the fullest.
I expect good things to come to me.
I focus on my many blessings and have every expectation that my good will be met.
I create meaning and purpose with whatever life hands me.
I release all doubt and fear and move into a state of positive flow.
I accept myself as I am and create peace in my heart.
I am loved and safe.
I find value in all aspects of my life.
My faith lifts me above all fears.
Affirmations are used in hypnotherapy in order to reprogram the subconscious mind. By using them in your “awake” state, you are also accessing their power by allowing yourself to “hear” a new way to be. The purpose of using affirmations is to open to allow something healthy to become. In addition, they can help us shift our attention from less empowering actions such as “getting” or “taking,” to more freeing concepts, such as “receiving,” “accepting,” and “allowing.”
As you work more and more with affirmations, you can make them part of your daily life. Remember, you are already using statements or affirmations every time you think or speak. If your current thoughts are less helpful, you can intentionally change them to ones that will help you shift into a more meaningful life!
Are you ready to explore and find direction for your life? Do you have desires and dreams but wonder where to go with them? In less than two weeks, you can make plans to ignite your life by attending my new Heartliving Workshop, “Ignite Your Life!” In this seminar, you will get new tools to take you to the next level personally and professionally. Through discussion, new Heartliving templates, exercises, and energy techniques, you will create a plan of action to ignite your life! You will be guided to understand your potential and honor your life as your most precious gift. If you need clarity, motivation, and forward action in your life, then you must attend this workshop!
Ignite Your Life! will be held 9:00-5:00 on Saturday, April 23, 2016, at the Virginia Beach Resort Hotel & Conference Center on the Chesapeake Bay. Program fee is $165.00. There are a few openings left, so sign-up now to secure your spot. Ready to change your life? Click here to register: REGISTER
If you’ve been following Heartliving on Facebook, you know I’m currently teaching, counseling and healing others in Japan. Working internationally, Japan specifically, was one of my dreams, and many years prior to my first trip there, I repeated the mantra: “I desire to teach and help others internationally.” I never once thought that this would be NOT be possible, although I didn’t understand HOW it could happen. I didn’t get caught up in the logic of it–the “how’s.” I just set the intention, believed it would happen, and moved forward with directed action.
Are you ready to explore and find direction for your life? Do you have desires and dreams but wonder where to go with them? If so, then join me on Saturday, April 23, 2016, for my new Heartliving Workshop, “Ignite Your Life!” In this seminar, you will get new tools to take you to the next level personally and professionally. Through discussion, new Heartliving templates, exercises, and energy techniques, you will create a plan of action to ignite your life! You will be guided to understand your potential and honor your life as your most precious gift. If you need clarity, motivation, and forward action in your life, then you must attend this workshop!
Ignite Your Life!will be held 9:00-5:00 on Saturday, April 23, 2016, at the Virginia Beach Resort Hotel & Conference Center on the Chesapeake Bay. Enjoy an Early Bird Special program fee of $150.00 (until March 31st). Regular program fee is $165.00 and conference space is limited so sign-up now to secure your spot. Ready to change your life? Click here to register: REGISTER
Many books are written about relationships–how to attract the right partner, how to keep your partner, how to communicate with your partner, why your partner is not that into you, and so on! The truth is that relationships can be complex and do require some attention if two people are to grow together into more intimate union and love.