Social Media is a buzz this week over PepsiCo CEO Indra K. Nooyi’s interview and statements that working women “can’t have it all.” Reading her comments made me reflect on my experience and journey as a working mother and business woman. I personally do not think it’s an issue of “having it all”! That ends up being a win/lose concept. How can we have all of anything in life? Instead, being an excellent mother doesn’t depend upon whether you’re working or not working outside the home. Some “at home” mothers may not be effective simply because they are present physically. To me, it is a way in which you approach mothering and your family.
I have known many highly effective working mothers as well as non-working mothers in my life. I am a grandmother now, still working full-time, and have raised two wonderful kids. I was a single parent during part of my life, but I always worked full time, even running my own business. Whether a mother is working or not working doesn’t make her a successful mother. What I realize is that how you “show up” as a mother is key to establishing and maintaining healthy relationships with your children. Here are my ingredients to achieving success:
- Be True to Yourself! No matter what your situation, do what you love and create a life that you want to live and to share with your kids.
- Take Good Care of Yourself! A physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy you will make you a much better Mom.
- Don’t Strive for Perfection! It becomes a way to inhabit an imaginary world. Nothing is ever perfect and yet everything already is.
- Be the Best Version of You Each Day! When you do your best which can vary any given day, let go of feeling guilty. Don’t do that to yourself. It’ll just zap your energy.
- Be Present! Working or not working, really BE THERE for your children in the best way you can—most of all, listen to them.
- Easy Does It! Don’t push yourself or your kids too hard, especially if you’re an over-achiever. It doesn’t always lead to a happier life for you or them.
- Teach Life Skills! Teach your kids to be self-reliant because it’s not what you give them, it’s what you TEACH them that matters.
- Have Fun! Relax with your kids. Let yourself be silly so they know life doesn’t have to be so serious.
And most of all, Love Them with All Your Heart!
– Cynthia
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
Finally a true voice for all the moms who just want to do the right thing by their kids.
I too never thought about “having it all” … ha, I was just trying to “show up” each and every day. I concur with your ingredients list. Even though I did not have it at the time (but did have and still do have the frig magnet, “Children Learn What They Live”) I realize that I did indeed add each ingredient!! Sometimes a little more of one and sometimes a little less of another. Reading #2, I remember when my babes and I were pretty much all alone and they needed me so desperately and I was so frazzled but still trying so hard. One night I finally said, I want to be a good mama but I can’t when I don’t get any sleep so tonight the two of you may camp out on my bedroom floor but I must have the bed to myself:-) Of course once I let go of the sh– that was weighing me down, sleep came much easier.
Another ingredient, one that made me laugh…teaching life skills. I always said my kids could scrub a toilet:-)
Cynthia this is a beautiful post, one that deserves time and attention. Into my journal it is going and I plan to mindfully reflect on how each ingredient affected my relationship with my two beautiful adult children. Early on in my BC (before children) teaching career I asked Kevin, a teenager and student, how he turned out so fabulous and I never forgot his words…my mom and dad supported me, they were always there for me:-)