We all have a shadow self. When I first heard this idea it truly fascinated me. What is the shadow self? Is it a negative part of us?
As I began delving into the concept, I found that Dr. Carl Jung, a famous psychiatrist, spoke of the shadow as “. . .the other in us, the other that embarrasses or shames us, . . .the negative side of the personality, those unpleasant qualities we like to hide. . . .”
I realized that often we disown or “cut off” our shadow self. We make statements like “I’m not angry,” “I don’t feel sad,” and so on as a way of denying a part of ourselves. We may have been conditioned not to allow ourselves to feel this shadow piece, perhaps in order to stay in control. I realized with further research and understanding that our shadow might also be a very positive side of ourselves that we have kept unexpressed. In other words, our shadow could be a strength of ours that we have kept hidden because of being fearful of expressing it. For example, a person might think: “If I express my strength others will not help me,” and so on.
Oftentimes at various junctures on our journey and particularly during periods in which we are growing and expanding who we are, we meet our shadow more fully. We may get in touch with those repressed parts of ourselves that we can no longer deny. So we encounter situations and challenges in which we are given an opportunity to become conscious of something inside of us as a way of having an opportunity to become more aware of who we really are.
It’s common to meet our shadow self when our deeper needs and values tend to change direction. Greeting the shadow self may even call for breaking old habits and cultivating unrecognized talents. And it’s important not to avoid these “meetings,” since we may remain unaware of what embracing our shadow self has to teach us. Avoidance may make us feel safer, yet the safety can become a kind of living death.
Everything with depth casts a shadow. The shadow is the quality that makes us human. As much as we might wish to reject it in order to try to be “perfect,” it is the shadow that gives us our humanity. Embracing the shadow, moving through our lives with awareness and grace, is what creates our healing or wholeness.
Dear Cynthia,
The truth in this one sentence alone. “Avoidance may make us feel safer, yet the safety can become a kind of living death.” Recently I have realized that my procrastination has been attributed to my fear of the pace of change. By procrastinating I was able to maintain my current living conditions, and emotional stagnation. Not living life at all but just existing and losing my enthusiasm along the way. Since embracing and loving my shadow self I am breaking out of this patern and living a do it now attitude. Now I have free time to enjoy relationships, fun activities and the enthusiasm for my work that I have not had for a very long time. It was never that I did not have enough time to do the things that needed to be done, but my own shadow self that wanted to be safe and always have those things on my plate to come to when I was facing the pace of change. I wanted to thank you for working, leading and nurturing my inner growth to realize exactly what I have been doing for so many years. With much love, Lisa