Feeling connected is important to you from the beginning to the end of your life (whether you think this is true or not).

Children especially want to know that they belong in their world and that they will be okay, whether they can express this or not.
In fact, do you know what research shows is a child’s greatest fear? A child’s greatest fear is abandonment.

This plays out in adult life as fear not only of abandonment, but also of rejection, of loss, of betrayal, and so on. Interestingly, some people who are in a situation they find difficult will even leave others first so that they will not be “left.”

So, back to the child and how this dynamic plays out–as the vulnerable child grows, the child begins to move about, and a conflict between a need for both separation and connection generally occurs at some point. While there is a need for connection, what is not as easily understood is that each of us also at some point has a need for separation-—to be able to stand independently on our own.

So from childhood on, while we may venture to be independent, we may also wish to remain connected. These opposing needs for both connection and separation play out continually throughout our lives and affect our sense of self (who we think we are, who we become).

How this may play out in a relationship is that partners may have a need to be close to each other, yet at the same time an equal need to have space and distance.

With open communication and trust, a healthy balance can usually be achieved.